At every turn, a mysterious organization of Bald Villains has opposed The League.
The Bald Villains believe Crackitus Potts, leader of The League of S.T.E.A.M., to be
the prophesied Chosen One. He who will cause the doom of mankind and
bring about an age in which the Bald Villains rule supreme. This just in, Sir. The mail, Sir, is in, Sir.
Letters! And remunerations?
Renewminations? (mispronounced) Compensation.
Oh, Yes! No, Sir. Bills, Sir. Still, Sir…
I’d rather have mimoonimations. (mispronounced) Wouldn’t we all, dear?
Yes, dear. Oh, here!
Remunerations?!? An invitation. Loud and clear, and file the bills.
Sir, Yes – Sir – Lucien Iblis Morningstar, requests the
pleasure of your company… To celebrate the end of the world,
at The Mouth of Hell, Hoboken, New Jersey. On Saturday the 19th of September at 7 o’clock,
And afterwards at the Infernal Palace, Pandemonium Dinner and Dancing. White tie. RSVP Oh dear, my dear.
Oh dear, indeed. What will we wear?
Oh, Sir, I’m sure it’s a trap. Perhaps, but what should we wear?
Who cares? It’s only a joke or a hoax. There’s no way to know if it’s really from
him. Ooo! Ooo! Great Scott! Oww! Oh! Oh! It’s hot!
It’s hot – hot, hot, hot! [Alarm Bell Ringing] A hint!
Who can say? Four days!
Is that a fire? It’s a trap.
What’s a trap? Four days to Hoboken!
For a dinner, and a dance, and the end of the world.
It’s a trap! It’s a joke.
Mystic fire is a joke? It’s a prank then.
Where the heck is Hoboken? New Jersey.
Ah. What a Hell hole!
Ha! So it seems… Would it have, could it have, killed me to
file that thing with the bills? Yes!
Sir? Grab the gizmos and the gear! Bring the League-mobile
’round here for the end of the world will be quite some
story to tell! Crackitus Potts here with the League of S.T.E.A.M.,
and we’re headed to The Mouth of Hell. The Chosen One is finally on his way to fulfill
the prophecy. But the others are with him.
They’ll ruin everything. Fear will ultimately drive them apart.
They will abandon him. [Evil Laughter] Keep your eyes wide open. And your wits about you. I’ve heard tales – They’re all true.
That none escape… Well, some do.
They’re called ghosts! No! We’re not going to die. Well, there’s a chance that we might die.
And that’s why we keep our eyes wide open. Why are we even here? To save the world! Baron, this is by invitation only. Chosen One, schmosen one, he’ll be a frozen one… Not really frozen, cause he’ll be in Hell! He’ll falter under the fear of his failure…
The flight of his friends will scare him as well. [Scary Music, Ground Shaking] There’s no need to fear. We’ve got each other! And our weapons. But more importantly, each other. And our traps. Let’s not forget each other…
And all our individual skills! Just keep your eyes wide open… [Roller coaster sound, music begins] It’s a Hell of a thing to shout and scream, to beg for mercy on your knees –
Will I heed your sorry pleas? Hell no! Hell ho!
It’s the demon’s life for me. It’s a Hell of a thing to feel despair,
and know deep down that no one cares. We’re the ones that take you there –
to Hell, oh! Hell ho! Your life is a waking nightmare.
Your ex-lover will be happy without you. You’ll be naked for all the bullies to see. Then out come your guts, we’ll put ants in your butt!
And you’ll have to make a speech in public! La, la, la, la, la, laaaa!!! It’s a hell of thing to be enthralled, with no escape from burning walls. All attempts would be forestalled. It’s Hell, oh! Hello!
It’s the underworld after all! It’s the under world… It’s the beginning of the end of the things that began in the beginning of all things. And I’m a man that believes that the ending of a thing should begin with a certain sense of irony… It was created –
with a song! I will unmake it –
with a song! Or you can save it, with a song… You still look lost, so I’ll explain it,
with a song. It’s exceptionally simple… Every bimillennial-sesquicentennial, history meets a cosmogonal pinnacle,
cunningly crafted and apocalyptical, cynically cyclical and diabolical,
except for the bits that are anthropological, bits, in this instance, pertaining to you! And the salvation
of the world, obviously. Obviously. Obviously, what? Every other 1,125 years, I’m given the opportunity to bring about an apocalypse of my own design.
Unless of course, man’s appointed champion, in this case you –
can best me in a contest… also, of my own design. I feel like I made that very clear in the song. No. No you didn’t. Why me? Hahaha. Because you, Mr. Potts, are the person
I thought least likely to best me in a contest of my own design. Ah. What is the contest? Can you really be so dim?
Ignorance should be a sin. Listen!
It’s the beginning of the end. The stars will fall. The dead will rise. The moon will turn to blood.
Plagues will pillage, as famine follows – With war on the march like a flood.
Too cliche you may say? I’ll take a classic any day! But there are many, many ways to end the world. Worldwide dust storms, or gold fever,
and terminal bad luck. Civil Rights or Women’s Suffrage,
social justice run amok. So mundane, they may say.
Well you won’t hear me complain. Here’re some new and cunning ways to end the world. Global warming, gluten monsters,
things hidden in the dark. Home-schooled children, sexy androids –
Ooo! Anemic bleeding hearts! He-he. It’s the ending of the end of the song that
began the beginning of the end… …of the world!!! Unless you can sing a better one. Hahahaha! Well…
You’ve got to be kidding me. A musical number? Us?
Impossible. You guys, we sing all the time… Sure, that’s in a pub, but this
is something completely different. Frankly, in my opinion – Oh, great! Here comes the know-it-all.
Don’t speak to him like that! Oh, this is simply delicious. [Angry arguing] Time’s a-wasting, Mr. Potts. When you’ve got trouble with ectoplasmic goo… When poltergeists and demons are trying to get you… When there’s a ghost in your attic
and he just won’t let you leave… When you’re tired of screaming,
there’s someone you can see. We are your favorite ghost eliminating team… We are The League of S.T.E.A.M! We are The League of S.T.E.A.M…. Supernatural
and Troublesome Ectoplasmic
Apparition Management! Better than a team. We’re a league. The League of S.T.E.A.M! We bump the bumpers who bump in the night! Not a sex thing. We fright the frighteners and fight the good fight. But not in a judgey way. We are humanity’s third line of defense.
Give or take a few. We keep our cool when things get intense.
Comparatively. Comparatively! We know big words too, you see.
Instinctively…succinct-ive-ly – teedaly-teedaly-tee! Better than a team. We are a League of S.T.E.A.M.!
Hot and powerful – Gaseous and mighty!
No, “S.T.E.A.M.” is an acronym. League of S.T.E.A.M.!
Paranormally literate, and technically savvy.
Ahead of our time by far! League of S.T.E.A.M.!
We’ve seen it all… Even invisible things.
We’ve seen it all… From hexes to mythical beings. So there’s nothing you could show us or say,
that would make us shy away! And I may be the Chosen One,
but I know I’m not alone. Cause what I’ve got behind me – Is better than a team. It’s a league! The League of S.T.E.A.M! Well, Lucien, it’s pretty clear
who beat who today. So, do we get a trophy? A gold fiddle? Did you best me in a fiddling contest? No…
Then there’s your answer, Mr. Potts. Be thankful that I let you leave here
with your souls intact. Right…Speaking of leaving, shouldn’t you
show us a way home? Or something? You are absolutely correct, Mr. Potts.
Or something… [Dramatic drums] [Truck horn] Where the devil are we? I don’t think it’s a where, Jasper… so much as…when? Hello, dear fellows…Oh, yes! Here we are.
Testing…testing…Haha! Ah, yes! If you’ve been pestered by a voodoo priest,
vampire, valkyrie, or rock-based beast… You went invisible while cleaning your teeth,
with a scientific formula based on bleach. A weird white wolf stalks the sands –
Skeleton fellows with bony hands – A Franken-Bride who won’t follow plans
Or a caveman no one understands. You’ve got an artifact that might be Odin’s Eye
Or a host of roving rats – Don’t cry! Make the call. Stand with genius.
You need The League to vanquish the fiendish! There’s a monster on the loose. Not for long! The League will have it gone before the end
of this song! So if you’ve got a problem, you need the team
of steampunks with punch! It’s The League of S.T.E.A.M!