My voice is a little off.
I think…? -Yeah, it sounds deep.
-Yeah, you… -Are you dying?
-Sounds real deep today. -Sounds sexier than usual. Yeah.
-WOLF: Yeah. Yeah. Did your balls drop last night? I think
I’m going through poo-berty. I’m so proud of you. I got pubes this morning. -Did you? In your mouth, or…?
-Sir. No, but I’m not contagious. -I’m kidding. I am.
-(laughter) Um, the Golden Globes
were last night. Ricky Gervais hosted
for the fifth and final time. -(applause and cheering)
-Okay. See? Some people liked it,
and some people in the room either didn’t like it or acted
like they didn’t like it. He made fun of everyone from
Jeffrey Epstein to the pope. Should we hire him
for this show? Um, what do you think?
Did he go too far? -Start with you. -No, I loved
it. I loved it. There’s nothing better than having people
get dressed up -just to get shitted on.
-Yeah. -(applause and cheering)
-Yeah. And… and he said
what was needed to be said. Like, it’s not enough
to just have a vegan dinner. SPADE:
Yeah. And who better
than Ricky Gervais? -He’s got the perfect sense
of humor. -SPADE: Yeah. And when is the last time
you saw a Ricky Gervais movie? Like, he doesn’t have
to worry about his career. -You know what I mean? Like…
-(laughter, groaning) -I think he’s pretty safe.
-Sort of a backhanded… -Yeah. Yeah. -Yeah.
-I’m… All right, listen. The jokes were fine. I just…
The beer is so lame to me. It’s like looking at, like, “I’m the cool dad at the party,”
you know? “Hey, kids,
is this what you’re drinking?” Like, and just, it… I don’t think it looks as edgy
as he thinks it does. -Well, he did…
-We don’t know it’s a beer. -That’s true. -Well…
-I’m optimistic. (laughter) -Uh, what’s the option?
-It could be Emergen-C. -Oh, you think so? Oh, yeah.
-(laughter) That’s what I was drinking. -The beer flavor.
-Yeah, it’s probably kombucha. -(laughter)
-Well, I… I laugh.
Of course we’re comedians, and we’re-we’re probably fine
with any of those jokes. But I thought,
he knows some aren’t gonna work. When you say that to Tim Cook… You know when he says,
“You have sweat shops at Apple,” everyone’s not going to go…
(laughing) -They’re all like…
-WOLF: Yeah, but… why was somebody…
everybody so upset about the Felicity Huffman joke?
Like, -first of all, those people…
-SPADE: That’s the tamest one. Those people, also– they don’t know
where license plates come from. They think they just show up
on their Range Rovers. They’re like, “I don’t…
I don’t…” -SPADE: That’s what I thought.
-Yeah. -They don’t know, right?
-I don’t know. That audience was mad
at the wrong things. Like, he made fun
of a pedophile. The only person
that should be mad when he makes fun of a pedophile
is a pedophile. SPADE:
That’s right. -(applause and cheering)
-That’s right. That’s right. -Yeah.
-I like that. They al…
By the way, they always cut to the crowd during
some awkward jokes or whatever. Some people take ’em well, and, uh,
I thought a lot of people did. It’s… it’s sort of a skill.
Here’s some examples. Uh, we have DiCaprio. He laughed at his joke
about dating young girls. I liked that. And then, Scorsese. They said he was short.
He didn’t care. Right? Tom Hanks. He’s our…
Chrissy Tiegen. And there’s Jonathan Pryce. Now this guy– he…
Does he know the pope? What is he worried about?
Like… He goes, “Oh,
the pope was on the set a lot. I mean, he’s very…” Did you see the pope smack
that woman? I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t be caught dead
laughing at the pope right now. -SPADE: Oh, right. The pope…
-Yeah. -Oh, yeah, he went…
-I mean, DiCaprio– of course he was laughing. He’s like, “I have been banging
21-year-olds “for over two decades. -Yuck it up, everybody.”
-(laughter) I’ve got a pretty good life.
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! He’s like, they
didn’t make fun of yachts. I take those. They only
made fun of private jets. -I’m fine.
-SPADE: The yachts are safe. Here’s how you do
a good reaction. Here’s me at the…
at the People’s Choice. -Yeah.
-(laughter) (applause) (whooping) I think that’s me deciding
if it’s a good or bad joke. Is that a burn on me?
Am I…? WOLF: Oh, I thought you
were hitting on somebody. -No. -I thought you’d be bored
or… or horny. No, it was…
it was a kid from, uh… from a Netflix movie, Noah,
that good-looking kid, and he won, like,
Comedian of the Year… Wait, wait, wait. Slow down.
First of all, -let’s take this step by step.
-No. You just showed a video
of you licking your lips. -No, I wasn’t.
-And then you said there was that kid,
“that good-looking kid in Noah.” -(laughter) -I don’t know
what’s happening right now. -Like, so, do you want…
-He’s not a kid. -He’s, like, nine. He’s older.
-Yeah, but why is he a good-looking kid that
you’re licking your lips at? Should we go back
to the pedophile show… It’s… -Joaquin Phoenix was there.
-(laughter) Oh, that…
we’ll take that out later. Joaquin Phoenix,
he won Best Actor, and he did a very Joaquin
acceptance speech, -JEN: Mm-hmm.
-but don’t give him an award if you don’t expect him
to be Joaquin. That’s just the way he is.
And I think he’s cool. I think he’s old-school,
like Benicio. All these guys are cool. You have to be drunk
at the Golden Globes. I love him. -I love his slurring
-Yes, he’s got a good vibe. and sweating– like, that’s…
if Ricky Gervais wanted to be edgy with his beer, that’s
how he should have behaved. (slurring):
Like, hey, everybody. And he’s so great.
I didn’t see the Joker, though, ’cause I can watch
male comedians -have a nervous breakdown
in person, and… -(laughter) -But…
-Right. Oh, he’s-he’s great. -Yeah.
-To tomorrow, he rapes someone -and you have to edit that out.
-Yeah. No. -(laughter, groans) Every time I say something nice
about someone, -they go to… -Well, Brad Pitt
won for Supporting Actor, and he gave a funny speech. He looked studly.
Uh, we put an Instagram poll of who is sexier. Before we show it,
who would you vote for? Um, this is, like, obvious.
I actually want to talk to whoever put the poll up,
um, ’cause that’s trolling. -Um…
-(laughter) of course, Brad Pitt is sexier. The only way, uh,
Joaquin is sexy as Brad -is if Brad is playing Joaquin.
-Okay. -Yeah. It’s… it’s-it’s not even close. Just, it insults
your sensibilities. Look, this is one
of the most handsome men in the history of the world,
and this dude looks like -he smells like stale meat.
-(laughter) I’ll show you.
Here’s the results. Before you pile on. (laughter) Oh, wait.
Oh, I voted a thousand times. -That didn’t work? Oh, well.
-I feel like an hour of sex with Brad Pitt, he’s like,
“I’m just getting warmed up.” An hour of sex with Joaquin, like, the next thing he’s asking
you to take him to an airport… -Did you vote for Joaquin?
-All right, we’ll be back. -Yeah, I voted for Joaquin.
-Really? -Yeah. -What is it
about Joaquin over…? -He reminds me of a kid.