-Welcome back! -Thank you for having me back. -Congratulations
on your special. It’s fantastic. You used to write here.
-Yes. -And I know you tour
more than anybody. You’re on the road all the time. Even when you’re in New York,
you’re doing sets. Do you have time
to keep up with politics? Are you paying attention
to the election? -I’ve paid enough attention
that I can tell this joke, or I can take “A Closer Look”…
-Oh, wow. -…at this joke.
-That was really good. -Why don’t I get a graphic? [ Laughter ] You work here for two years…
[ Laughter ] No, um…like,
I try to be a good feminist. I step off the party line…
-Yeah. -…quite a bit. Like, I know we’re supposed
to be mad at Joe Biden ’cause he touched a bunch
of women over a couple decades. -Yeah.
-That never made me mad. That made me like him more.
-Gotcha. -Which not the most feminist
point of view. -Right.
[ Laughter ] -But I do have
two pretty good reasons. One, if you look
at every woman who Joe Biden gave a neck massage to,
it does look like it felt good. -Okay.
[ Laughter ] -He looks like
he just has those hands that know where the knots are.
-Yeah. -Like, every woman walked away
from that being like, “No, he did get it, though.”
[ Laughter ] Annoying. But also, you look at every
woman who Joe Biden touched, every woman who Joe Biden kissed
the top of her little head, you’ll see this guy
doesn’t have a type. He’s doing it to everybody.
He’s not discriminating. It’s old, young, white, black. This guy is swiping right
on the whole country. [ Laughter ] And that’s what I feel
like we need right now. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] -A creepy old man who will love
every single one of us. -There you go.
-I stand behind Joe Biden, because when you’re behind him,
he can’t touch you. [ Laughter and applause ] -You talk about immigration…
-Yes. -…in your special, as well. And maybe a similar
take on this and maybe
how we’re framing it wrong. -Yeah, I mean, like,
I have a friend. She’s really worried about
immigrants coming in and taking our jobs. And I’m like, “Well,
you’re a stay-at-home mom.” [ Laughter ] “So, you know, ball’s sort of
in your court on that one.” -Right, right, right. -I’m much more worried about
Americans taking immigrant jobs. Like, I got a massage from
a Midwestern white lady… [ Laughter ] …and it essentially
felt like a cat was walking on my back
for an hour. [ Laughter ] And not like an angry
or a hungry cat. Just a happy cat…
[ Laughter ] …trying to find a place
to sleep. [ Laughter ] And then, a couple weeks later, I got a massage
from a Korean man, and he pressed into my back
with the pressure that he had left
his whole family behind. [ Laughter ] It’s a great massage!
[ Laughter ] You need a massage from someone
who’s been through something. [ Laughter ] You can’t get a massage
from a woman named Meredith, where the worst thing
that ever happened to her is the one time she got bangs.
[ Laughter ] But you don’t want a massage
from someone who wants to give you a massage. You want a massage from someone
who has to give you a massage. [ Laughter ] Two very different people. [ Laughter ] Someone who wants to touch
your naked back for an hour, that’s a serial killer. [ Laughter ] Someone who has
to give you a massage, someone who’s like,
“This [bleep] piece of [bleep] comes in here and says her neck
is sore from sleeping wrong?!” [ Laughter ] I work 70 hours a day! [ Laughter ] I live three states away,
and I bike to work in this piece of [bleep]” And the whole time
you’re thinking, “This is a great massage.” [ Laughter ] -I, uh —
[ Cheers and applause ] -Put massage tables
on the border.