Michelle Wolf Isn’t Mad About Joe Biden’s Inappropriate Touching

Michelle Wolf Isn’t Mad About Joe Biden’s Inappropriate Touching


-Welcome back! -Thank you for having me back. -Congratulations
on your special. It’s fantastic. You used to write here.
-Yes. -And I know you tour
more than anybody. You’re on the road all the time. Even when you’re in New York,
you’re doing sets. Do you have time
to keep up with politics? Are you paying attention
to the election? -I’ve paid enough attention
that I can tell this joke, or I can take “A Closer Look”…
-Oh, wow. -…at this joke.
-That was really good. -Why don’t I get a graphic? [ Laughter ] You work here for two years…
[ Laughter ] No, um…like,
I try to be a good feminist. I step off the party line…
-Yeah. -…quite a bit. Like, I know we’re supposed
to be mad at Joe Biden ’cause he touched a bunch
of women over a couple decades. -Yeah.
-That never made me mad. That made me like him more.
-Gotcha. -Which not the most feminist
point of view. -Right.
[ Laughter ] -But I do have
two pretty good reasons. One, if you look
at every woman who Joe Biden gave a neck massage to,
it does look like it felt good. -Okay.
[ Laughter ] -He looks like
he just has those hands that know where the knots are.
-Yeah. -Like, every woman walked away
from that being like, “No, he did get it, though.”
[ Laughter ] Annoying. But also, you look at every
woman who Joe Biden touched, every woman who Joe Biden kissed
the top of her little head, you’ll see this guy
doesn’t have a type. He’s doing it to everybody.
He’s not discriminating. It’s old, young, white, black. This guy is swiping right
on the whole country. [ Laughter ] And that’s what I feel
like we need right now. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] -A creepy old man who will love
every single one of us. -There you go.
-I stand behind Joe Biden, because when you’re behind him,
he can’t touch you. [ Laughter and applause ] -You talk about immigration…
-Yes. -…in your special, as well. And maybe a similar
take on this and maybe
how we’re framing it wrong. -Yeah, I mean, like,
I have a friend. She’s really worried about
immigrants coming in and taking our jobs. And I’m like, “Well,
you’re a stay-at-home mom.” [ Laughter ] “So, you know, ball’s sort of
in your court on that one.” -Right, right, right. -I’m much more worried about
Americans taking immigrant jobs. Like, I got a massage from
a Midwestern white lady… [ Laughter ] …and it essentially
felt like a cat was walking on my back
for an hour. [ Laughter ] And not like an angry
or a hungry cat. Just a happy cat…
[ Laughter ] …trying to find a place
to sleep. [ Laughter ] And then, a couple weeks later, I got a massage
from a Korean man, and he pressed into my back
with the pressure that he had left
his whole family behind. [ Laughter ] It’s a great massage!
[ Laughter ] You need a massage from someone
who’s been through something. [ Laughter ] You can’t get a massage
from a woman named Meredith, where the worst thing
that ever happened to her is the one time she got bangs.
[ Laughter ] But you don’t want a massage
from someone who wants to give you a massage. You want a massage from someone
who has to give you a massage. [ Laughter ] Two very different people. [ Laughter ] Someone who wants to touch
your naked back for an hour, that’s a serial killer. [ Laughter ] Someone who has
to give you a massage, someone who’s like,
“This [bleep] piece of [bleep] comes in here and says her neck
is sore from sleeping wrong?!” [ Laughter ] I work 70 hours a day! [ Laughter ] I live three states away,
and I bike to work in this piece of [bleep]” And the whole time
you’re thinking, “This is a great massage.” [ Laughter ] -I, uh —
[ Cheers and applause ] -Put massage tables
on the border.

100 thoughts on “Michelle Wolf Isn’t Mad About Joe Biden’s Inappropriate Touching

  1. Malarkey Joe called a guy “fat” on camera and then his campaign denied he used that word. Reminds me of HRCs Gabbard/Stein Russia smear on audio which some news outlets later denied happened, at her request. The media also ignored the vids where Joe gropes kids up and down the chest and stomach while whispering dating advice in their ears and later said how he loves when they jumped in his laps and stroke his legs. Be better than Trump if you wanna beat him.

  2. First she says she doesn't mind how Biden likes giving women massages then she says guys who likes to give massages are serial killers. Which one is it?

  3. She makes me want to get whatever service she's on now. She should do Nature shows bump, Morgan Freeman I want someone that won't put me to sleep watching birds land and, stuff.

  4. I'm just worried that they will have to keep reminding Biden what the nuclear codes are. Plus, I'm not sure touchy feely is what we need now.
    I would go with Bernie. I'm just not sure he will survive the first 30 days. He isn't exactly RBG grade.

  5. She's different. I'm starting to like her. But, it's an acquired taste. Her voice doesn't help, but that's not her fault.

  6. Her jokes in this segment were recycled from her act from a year ago. I’m a fan of her, but come onnnnn….write something new.

  7. So True! Don't want Karen with her featherlight "strokes" to give me a massage. I want Soon Yee who is trying to get her infant daughter here. Now she is motivated!

  8. I want someone in office that cares about everyone like Bernie who, on a day off still goes to places where he is needed and still tries to help people. I don't want Biden when he says nothing will change to billionaires.

  9. Just imagine if Donald Trump was the guy sniffing and touching little girls, no not “women”, the main stream media including Seth would condemn it to the highest order, as they should, and not make light of it. But you know, narrative.

  10. Seth, I want what she's having please sir. She totally rocks, on another note, Doesn't she look like Conans assistant, . . .Mona or something. Not to be rude, just saying. Totally looks like her

  11. I've always thought she is hilarious, but she's a comic who you need to pause for a second and prepare yourself for what you're going to hear.

  12. He didn't only touch women. He touched girls. And he didn't just give people massages. He touched their chests. He pulls little girls in front of him to rub his crotch on them. He whispers inappropriate things to them. I honestly can't laugh at this. He's disgusting, and people make light of it because he's a Dem. Ugh. He's not going to beat Trump, people. Move on. Bernie 2020!

    The second part was funny though.

  13. She is VERY good. Her show didn't take off because the market is flooded with similar shows at the moment and not enough ad revenue and eyeballs to go around. 😉

  14. I bet her hair smells real nice. I mean, I don't want to sound creepy or anything, but just look at that hair! She has natural auburn ringlets. If she had hazel eyes, she'd be the kinda girl Romance novels are written about.

  15. Her pants are from the future… the bags under her eyes are from last night. THIS woman is a time traveler and a hero and I dare ANYONE to prove me wrong.

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