I Want To Be A Sofa | My Weird Addiction

I Want To Be A Sofa | My Weird Addiction


My name is Olympia, um I’m 17 I’m just a
regular suburban chick and I am addicted to pretending to be furniture. I think
it’s it’s something I’ve just loved doing all my life and it stems from you
know one sort of Christmas my aunt Rosemary sat on me accidentally –
she didn’t mean to – and I was frightened and horrified at first but you know the
more that I’ve sort of recalled and remembered it I wish she’d do it again. I have to do it it’s a compulsion. I’ll be
doing you know the washing up – some sort of regular you know day-to-day activity
and I’ll remember that I just love being furniture and I have to just – have to do it. My name is Nova. I am Olympia’s… let’s
say life partner. Olympia is addicted to taking on the roles of various pieces of
furniture. Well we live in a very small apartment I just don’t understand how
she thinks I don’t know. She – I don’t think she – she has no idea I am very aware of this… I don’t want to say sickness? Hobby? Perhaps? Um, when you’re standing with a lampshade on your head that’s not inconspicuous. I can’t explain
it I don’t expect anyone to understand it I just fucking love it. You know an
armchair, a chaise lounge you know I’m there. It’s getting to the point now
where it’s really affecting – affecting me and I’m… you know… I don’t know how I’m
going to tell my family and my friend. I’ve got this wonderful partner Nova
and she has no idea that I do it. You’re not incognito I can see that you’re
standing there with a lampshade on your head. I’m yet to bring this to her
attention though I’m, I’m – I’m worried about what it would be like for our relationship if
I brought this up with her so as – as of right now she doesn’t know that I’m – I’m
aware of this. Um, so, I mean, I’ve brought you here today… I just, um, I have something to tell you Nova. It’s… it’s kind of a big deal I suppose
it’s kind of hard for me to say this um (What?) I am addicted to being furniture. (Oh for fuck’s sake) Um, it’s something you know I’ve had to battle with for a very long time
and I know that you never suspected you’ve got no idea – Oh I know about the
furniture thing that you do. No you don’t know you have no idea. (You do this, this thing…) Basically what I do is… (where you pretend to be furniture) I pretend to be furniture – no you don’t know you don’t – let me just finish please. Do you honestly think I don’t know?! I’m sorry I can’t. I’m sorry.
I’m just addicted to being furniture. I feel it, I am it. I am that armchair. We
already have so much furniture what else could she possibly turn in to? Sometimes I feel like she wants me just to sit on her.

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