DnD Stories: And the gnome ranger said, “I want a house, and only the cathedral will do.”

DnD Stories: And the gnome ranger said, “I want a house, and only the cathedral will do.”


Hey guys, and welcome back to my channel for
another Dungeons and Dragons campaign story! If you’re new, make sure to subscribe, and
if you haven’t seen my other videos, follow the playlist link in the description so you
can start at the beginning. The party returns to Peacelun, says goodbye
to the alchemist and artificer, then returns to the inn to check on their little goblin
friends. They’re doing well, so the party sleeps and sets about wandering the town to
spend their gold. They get jumped by an assassin, who runs straight
for Barakas and almost one-shots him. The remaining party members defend Barakas and
kill the assassin. When they look over the corpse, the party finds a bounty note that
matches their respective descriptions. The druid suggests that the party take the note
to that super sketchy general store person on the basis that that particular NPC was
willing to sell tiefling-skin coats. Barakas takes the body to a nearby sewer and removes
several fingers before dumping it. While debating what they should do about almost
getting murdered, the party heads to the blacksmith and pays for the incorporation of adamantine
and silver into their weapons, just having learned about various monster resistances
from a weird, wizard-type guy. Barakas and the druid head to the alchemist to cash in
on promised discounts. They left with several potions of healing and Barakas purchased some
poison that a certain rude priest might find in a meal sometime soon. Just after they exit, that damn mechanical
dog that Wilkershin refuses to take care of assaults the party members yet again, trying
to kill that suspiciously similar young woman. The construct is much stronger this time,
so instead of just minimally damaging it, the party chooses to leave a heap of scrap
metal behind. Barakas flirts with the young woman the dog was trying to maul and she responds
politely, but vanishes from view the second the party’s backs are turned. Hope she’s
all right. The party gets sidetracked by the sudden recollection
that they can buy a house or some kind of dwelling! The ranger looks up at the huge
cathedral looming over the capital and says, “I want a house and only the cathedral will
do.” The rest of the party resoundingly agrees. Aww c’mon, guys. Seriously? Do you know
how much time and resources it takes to build these things? I informed the party that their combined wealth
added up to approximately 10% of the cathedral’s market value. There was a lot of grumbling,
but the players decided they needed a house NOW. Peacelun is set up so the builder’s
hall is in charge of the sale and construction of real estate, provided adventurers don’t
secure a holding out in the wilds. They arrive outside the builder’s hall and
knock on the door. The foreman opens the door and the party members ask about available
land. There’s a one-bedroom house, there’s a two-bedroom house, there’s an abandoned/run
down guild hall infested with vermin, and a couple unbuilt plots outside the city walls. The ensuing discussion was to the effect of,
“It’s cheaper to live outside the gates, but what about the guild hall?” The foreman
gave few meaningful details on what the term “vermin” entailed, but despite their suspicion,
the party purchased the guild hall for a small discount and then paid the difference as incentives
for the builder’s hall to fix the place up, because not even the air you breathe is
free. The only step remaining is to clear out the
hall, right? Well, if you’re not familiar with them, guild halls are reasonably sizeable
establishments and are a fair trade for their price. Four bedrooms, a kitchen, a room for
latrines linked to the underlying sewer system, and an outside “yard” area for one major
crafting station to function. The party arrives and sends Barakas inside
to check out if anything still lives there. He sneaks in without making a sound and disappears
from sight. He’s getting really good at that! When he returns, he looks slightly pale and
explains how he saw a bunch of giant rats and some round, floating eye-things with other
eyes sticking out on stalks that moved. Great. The party doesn’t know what these
things are, but they own the place now, so in the eternal words of my now very irate
players, “Take your filthy mess…AND GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!” At this point, my players won’t directly
confront anything they’re not familiar with, so they assess the situation to determine
how to favorably start the fight. The druid ends up conjuring two giant fey spiders to
try and trap some giant rats in the rooms where their nests were. Despite being huge,
these things are surprisingly effective! The spiders get two doors closed before the
floating eye things notice and unleash some rays. The party grumbles about the irritating
luck, but they go inside to fight whatever these things are. The fight goes something
like this: eye beam, FEAR! Eye beam, paralyzed! FEAR AND PARALYZED! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING
ME! The paladin has no ranged attacks and is absolutely useless once the giant rats
are killed. Dude, seriously. Pick up archery as a hobby or SOMETHING. The players kill everything in the guild hall
after a verrrrrry long battle. They drag a couple corpses and drop them in the sewers
before saying, “Wait didn’t we pay the builder’s hall to clean this up? Forget
this mess.” And stalk off. This ends our housing simulator. Tune in next
time to weigh in on Barakas’ sense of justice when people actively seek to do him harm.
Thank you guys so much for watching. If you enjoyed this video, make sure to give it a
big thumbs up and if you’re new here, make sure to hit that subscribe button and ring
the little bell so you get informed when I post! I’ll see you guys next time.

2 thoughts on “DnD Stories: And the gnome ranger said, “I want a house, and only the cathedral will do.”

  1. Love these stories, keep em coming! I play alot of homebrew tabletop rpg (its not really d&d as much as d&d inspired) and i always love to hear and share stories given how insanely ridiculous sessions can get at times.

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